and then there was fear

Photo by Rene Asmussen on Pexels.com

It’s been more than a year… of that much I’m sure. I’ve built up a nice little asylum for myself, a way to ignore the racing heart and hitched breathing that comes with Them – a way to ignore Them altogether. So much changed so quickly, and so achingly slow. Impending wildfire waiting for the slow-molasses Life Affirming Water to quench the disaster and ultimately free my soul.

The outside is creeping in. The long-awaited resurgence cannot be held at bay, and I must abide as best I can. If I don’t even try, I’ll be swept away in circumstance. I cannot allow that.

Sometimes I’m all there is, it seems, holding the fraying ropes together and praying for intervention before everything collapses. Sometimes I’m the one that’s frayed, broken. Isn’t that just the way? We all ebb and flow, and hope for a life preserver on the occasion we’re caught up in a riptide.

Change is: Inevitable. Constant. Needed. Neither good nor bad, it simply is. It cares nothing for the silly emotions we ascribe to it. I’ll dip my toes in, I’m getting closer. Sometimes it’s just going SO fast. Just remember to breathe.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

― Ferris Bueller

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

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