I wrote a post recently where I let myself be a bit vulnerable and tried to describe a little of what was going on in my world. Someone close to me wrote me saying “I always think you are feeling fabulous and having a constant good time at your house.” Another friend commented, “You’re always so strong, this isn’t like you.”
These are my bricks. My defenses. My shelter from the storm that’s been raging on inside with no means of escape for years.
Make no mistake, I am still strong. I am still fabulous 😉
Through the past few years I have begun to redefine myself, my spirituality, and my time on this Earth. This path has dredged memories up from the deepest, murkiest locations of my being. I have found myself to be more easily unnerved and anxious with this newfound outlook on life. I have found myself stricken with body-heaving sobs and hyperventilation, thrown down by migraines and tension so great that it caused my left hip to try to go live up by my rib cage (thank goodness the hubs was able to convince said hip to return to its proper location).
This absolute mess of a year we’re having has caused cannonballs of emotion pounding away at my once-thought impenetrable brick wall. There are cracks, sections are missing, emotions are flooding in and it’s every woman for herself. That sounds like a shipwreck, sounds so negative… but here I am… I’m Here For Myself.
‘”Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?”
I wouldn’t change a damn thing.
I’m relearning who I was and who I am. For the first time I’m staring myself in the face and looking myself over. I love who I am, who I’ve become, who I’m becoming. I want to pour that love out to the world, but I can only spare a small amount because I’m in need of the rest. I need to make sure my family can feel it, and my friends – but myself first.
I’m hoping these posts pour a little love from me to you – and I’m so friggin’ grateful that you’re even reading this! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I think I’m coming up on two years now.
We’ve come upon an unparalleled time that I hope means we must stop our blindness and complacency. We’re on the cusp of a revolution that’s scary and amazing and necessary, but it doesn’t just mean a change to exterior forces… It means a look inside each one of us, as well.
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