shelter in place… aka day # what?!

“When the world is running down, you make the best of what’s still around.”

-The Police

A friend of mine posted this photo on Facebook a few weeks into this madness we find ourselves in. Many were commenting, each with different colored hearts; some were commenting with all the heart colors plus a sprinkling of profanity for extra glitter. I think that’s how I would have chosen to answer except I couldn’t bring myself to admit that I was having as many purple heart days as I was red heart days.

No, not days… hours.  Breakfast was great? Well, hold on tight cuz the lunch madness is coming.

I wanted everything to be perfect and calm, a barely perceptible difference from life at the office. I have my own private space to work, with a door that locks. I also have three young boys homeschooling & having video calls with their teachers & going through various telehealth therapy appointments. It’s a lot more “extra” than I anticipated.

Then there’s the anxiety. I didn’t leave the house for weeks, I think – only stepping out the door to walk around the neighborhood and making sure to stay far away from the neighbors. The boys climb up the walls all day, so the afternoon walks or gardening time is welcome. We upped our Amazon game, and scoured the internet for sold out items. I’d get upset when I had to send my husband out to get things in the real world, sending him out with a mask and sanitizer – and words of caution repeated until the car was driving away.

I think I’m much more calm now.

That last sentence comes after a week long migraine, sporadic days filled with tears of frustration, and many overwhelming moments of joy & gratitude. I know my anxiety is largely unfounded. I know that I’m blessed to be able to work from home, and that we’d already been a homeschooling family for two years. Knowing these these doesn’t stop the misfire of synapses that makes me feel like the world is collapsing in on itself Inception-style.

I’m so thankful for every step we take ending this crisis, and I remind myself constantly of the kismet-like nature of my current path. I hope all of you are well and healthy, along with your families. Let me know in the comments if you’re so inclined, I’d love to know what you’ve been up to & what hobbies have emerged! Are you leaning towards caution, or are you fed up with it all and need to get back to the norm?

Personally, I’m hoping that a sense of stillness will remain after all this is over. I don’t know that we’ll ever get back to the normalcy we once took for granted – running errands without wondering where we put our face mask or if we have enough hand sanitizer, praying for toilet paper. Maybe that’s where we’ll stay for the next few years as we try to catch up to this thing. It’s the pause that I crave to continue on with. The ability to stop and refocus, meditate or just breathe, and not feel the crushing weight of the cogs spinning this world so damned fast.

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