But what if I fail …

But what if I fail of my purpose here? It is but to keep the nerves at strain, to dry one’s eyes and laugh at a fall, and baffled, get up and begin again. – Robert Browning

early morning farm

This whole blog idea stemmed from a stranger’s comment. One night, my husband and I were out on a date night at a local tap room.  A young man approached us as we sat with a couple of beers around a barrel-turned-table. He said to us, “You guys seem to have a really great relationship, can I ask your advice?” He proceeded to explain how interested he was in this particular girl he knew. His eyes sparked as he spoke of her, and pleaded with us for the knowledge of how to pursue her.

We spoke at length over our next round of beer, not just about the girl and his potential next steps, but about where he was in his life and where he wanted to be. It was really a great conversation, all started just by him approaching a random stranger’s table and opening his heart a little in hopes of finding something to resonate with.

As he was about to walk away, he turned and looked at me thoughtfully. He said, “You should really have a YouTube channel. Thank you so much for talking with me.”

I felt many things in that moment. Joy. Shock. Excitement… Fear. A little seed sprouted in my mind that night. I’m not much for video, but I’ve always loved to write. The only problem is, there have been differing opinions as to whether I can write well. Friends, family, teachers, coworkers, bosses – you name it, they all had opinions on my writing capabilities. Even society itself seemed to tell me, “Sure, maybe there’s a small talent there, but you can’t… like…. WRITE.” Add on top of that the basic human desire to be included, accepted, loved, valued and the societal rules of never speaking your mind unless you are in general agreement with the whole, for fear (again) that you may be shunned, laughed at, cast aside & ignored.

I’m left with the question that began that night. What if I fail? What if everything I write is never read? What if it IS read and everyone hates it? What if negative comments pour in day after day? What if I’m actually terrible at this? What if I’m laughed at? What if there’s no value here?  But what if there is?

With every negative comment I’ve subjected myself to, there is an opposing positive. What you can’t see when you’re staring at hurtful words is the beauty that lies in their antonyms. What if, GASP, we discuss politics or religion and we see humanity and connection in our conversations instead of right, left, or wrong?

I’m going to write. I’m going to hit that publish button. I’m going to attempt to do both of those without the hesitation brought on by my fear. I’m going to do this in hopes of you finding something to resonate with.

 

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1 thought on “But what if I fail …

  1. Adrienne Terrazas March 29, 2019 — 2:23 pm

    Love this. I’ve always liked the FB meme that says, “But what if I fall? (which can be likened to fail)” and the next sentence says, “But oh my dear….what if you fly?!!”. So glad you started this blog Andrea. Looking forward to more. 🙂
    ~ Adrienne

    Like

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